I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
