First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
