Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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