I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
