I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
