So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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