there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
