Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
