dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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