he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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