some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
