I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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