I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
