and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
