I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
