his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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