Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
