Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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