scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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