dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
