Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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