I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
