Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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