You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
