I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
