you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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