After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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