In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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