I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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