No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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