god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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