your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
