I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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