need another drink. this is the easiest way
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
