i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
