hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
