2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
