I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
