The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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