so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
