When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
