There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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