Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you had me at cake vodka
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
