he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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