You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
