I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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