im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
