dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
