I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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