tell your sister to shave her snatch
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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