Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
