you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
only you would photoshop your dick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
